"He's Just Not That Into You" explains why men need to pursue women

The hot new book on the market now is "He's Just Not That Into You, The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys." It's written by a writer and a consultant for the tv show "Sex and the City," a man (Greg, now married) and a woman (Liz, single, still dating). They created the phrase "he's just not that into you" in the writer's room, and turned it into the phrase du jour to explain why men behave so badly in relationships.

Unlike some of the books I've read, such as "What Men Want; Three Professional Single Men Reveal to Women What It Takes to Make a Man Yours," and the biblical "The Rules," Greg and Liz don't try to explain to women what men want, how to get them to want you, and how to figure them out when they don't. I'm happy to report that "He's Just Not That Into You" cuts straight to the chase, and tells women that there is really only one important, basic rule to understanding men:

If he's "into you," then HE'LL pursue YOU.

That means he will 1) ask you out, 2) call you, 3) clearly date you (not just want to "hang out"), 4) want to have sex with you, 5) not be having sex with someone else, 6) not only want to see you when he's drunk, 7) eventually want to marry you, 8) isn't breaking up with you, 9) not disappear on you, and 10) not be a "selfish jerk, a bully, or a really big freak." These were taken from the titles of chapters 1 to 10, so you can see that Greg and Liz have clearly translated men's non-verbal behavior into a language women can understand.

Having worked with singles for over 19 years as a psychologist and life coach, I've been giving this message to women as well. It's just that I wasn't a writer on a hit sitcom coining catch phrases. But I've been aware of this "law of nature" for awhile -- that when a man meets a woman he wants, he will take the lead and pursue her. Relentlessly. Anything less than full-blown pursuit is an indication that he's just not that into you.

In case women need to know WHY a guy would prefer to say to a woman "I'm really busy right now" or "let's just hang out and be friends," Greg explains ". . . we [men] would rather lose an arm out a city bus window than tell you simply, 'you're not the one' . . . [because] we are quite sure you will kill us or yourself or both . . . or even worse, cry and yell at us. We are pathetic."

Greg and Liz work hard throughout the book to repeatedly tell single women that they are good enough to have a guy who is into them. Every time they decipher and shoot down a man's covert communication, and the woman's excuses for it, they'll say "don't waste the pretty." How great is that??!!

In my work with people, I have learned how valuable it is to have an objective third party tell you the truth as they see it, especially as it relates to relationships. Some women will get it from their girlfriends, their mothers, or maybe even their therapists (where they'll go when completely distraught and depressed in their attempts to find "the one").

And then there are books. I think that "He's Just Not That Into You" will serve its purpose to help a woman figure out if she?s being pursued, or not. It will also tell her to move on and find a guy who wants her, no excuses necessary.