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Working with you definitely helped me get to the bottom line of what I want in a relationship, which is consideration, respect & communication. You helped me choose, in a conscious way, a relationship that helps me grow. Thank you!
-- Mona[Click here to read more]
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Welcome to the Doctor Love Coach Message Boards!
I invite you to join me and and other members in discussions of just about anything related to dating and relationships.
This is a place for everyone to share, so please respect each other and enjoy!
Check out the FAQ for help getting started, or jump right in to the discussions below!
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sbc1631
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Post subject: Is he trying to date me?
 Posted: Jan 10, 2006 - 01:21 AM
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Joined: Jan 08, 2006
Posts: 4
Status: Offline
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Hi - I am new to the site and I am trying to determine if I have just been asked out or not - I know it sounds stupid, but would appreicate your opinion.
There is a man I have worked with for over a year. We have been friendly for the past 6 months. We are in our late 30;s/early 40's. Over the last 3 months, we have talked on and off in the office about ourselves - learning that we are both divorce for several years, tec. Over the last two months, he has really opened up to me and reveal some very personal details about himself, his family, his kids (who he shares custody of and live with him every other week), his ex and how his marraige discolved. He has asked me questions and I have shared corresponding details as well. We seem to be at ease with each other. He has also over the past month become flirty and teasing, and I have responded in kind. We had to visit a client together several weeks ago for 2 days, and had dinner together. It was very relaxed and we had an enjoyable time, talking about family and things we enjoyed, and it appears we have quite a bit in common. Last week, we were discussing a work topic, and I made a comment about team morale. He said that "we have to share on this over a cocktail next week" I responded, 'sounds good". Before leaving for the weekend, he came around again, and said,"remember, we'll talk over a cocktail next week". I am very interested in him, but he was burnt (cheated on) by his ex, she walked out on him and the kids and the home, and I sense that he is very cautious and "integrity" is a big issue for him. I also was burnt, and I am also a careful person. Is this moving in the right direction at the right speed, or am I reading something here that is not? |
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Janice
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Post subject: Is he trying to date me?
Posted: Jan 13, 2006 - 07:51 PM
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Site Admin
Joined: Mar 19, 2004
Posts: 276
Location: New York City
Status: Offline
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I think that getting comfortable with someone that you work with can occasionally be confused with flirting. If a man wants to express a romantic interest in a woman, it should be, and usually is, clear and direct. That is one of the things that I've learned by listening to what men want and by reading, here on the message boards, what men do. And men are more likely to pursue a woman when he receives clear signals that she's interested in him. It's possible that he's "feeling you out" right now, and this might make sense if he's been burned in a previous relationship. His hesitation could be contributing to the lack of "speed" that you refer to. What you think is "the right speed" to move a relationship forward might not be "the right speed" for him.
The fact that you work together might be a confusing component to your situation as well. His behavior might just be his way of getting along with a co-worker -- sharing a little about your personal lives, talking about going after work for a cocktail -- are all normal after-work behaviors among co-workers. There has also been some spirited discussions on these message boards about NOT dating someone with whom you work, and so you might heed this advice as well.
Consequently, I suggest that you continue to monitor his behaviors and, if you feel brave, tell him that you'd like to take him up on his offer for an after-work cocktail, designating a specific day and time. You'll learn a lot from his response, I promise. |
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EditorEsther
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Post subject: RE: Is he trying to date me?
Posted: Mar 13, 2006 - 03:00 PM
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Joined: Dec 05, 2004
Posts: 13
Status: Offline
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"take him up on his offer...you'll learn a lot from his response, I promise..."
...Unless you don't. "Feeling you out" might also be "drinks with a work pal who's been through a divorce too" and with the addition of alcohol, things can get even murkier. I've also seen many divorced men who are "once bitten, twice shy"--when they start dating again, it's on THEIR terms, because it's a way of regaining control after a relationship that failed... |
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