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memphiscounselor
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Post subject: dating a widower
 Posted: Apr 28, 2009 - 09:59 PM
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Joined: Apr 28, 2009
Posts: 1
Status: Offline
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I have been friends for years with someone who just lost his wife. She had been sick for years and we continued to have a putonic relationship, truly friends. He lives in another state but we met at church when he was living in the city where I live now. We have communicate often but we've always maintained respect for his wife and never intimated anything other than friendship. Now that she is dead, had been quite sick for years, I would like to upgrade our relationship to a more serious nature. When do I know when he's ready for that. He has made some comments lately about visiting me and I come visit him - I don't dwell on those comments because I don't want him to think I am forcing or pushing him - when should I begin to ask him to visit and I did purchase a hug book for him - when should I give it to him?
thanks for listening -
memphiscounselor |
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Janice
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Post subject:
Posted: May 13, 2009 - 08:37 PM
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Site Admin
Joined: Mar 19, 2004
Posts: 276
Location: New York City
Status: Offline
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First of all, I would like to know what a "hug book" is. I suspect that it's something designed to convey a hug during a difficult time, or maybe a way to communicate one's condolences. Nevertheless, I think it would be very friendly and sweet of you to send something to let him know you are thinking of him warmly during this difficult time of transition.
That being said, I suggest that you read my article *How long should I wait for a widower to be ready to date? . In it, I reference two other similar questions I had previously answered and made a few suggestions, such as
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let him know that you're available to be his friend for now, but that when he feels he's ready to date to be sure to give you a call. If he doesn't keep in touch with you, then it's okay to check in on him from time to time to say "hi." But continue to go on with your own life and date others. . .
When you are offering friendship, I do not believe that it will come across as "forcing or pushing." Because if you're genuine in your efforts to keep in touch, regardless of whether or not this turns into a romance, you are, at the least, communicating that you are interested in maintaining a relationship you've found meaningful over the years.
In essence, be patient and friendly.. . . and follow his lead. Good luck! |
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