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SocRIChic
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Post subject: What am I doing wrong with guys?
 Posted: Feb 01, 2009 - 03:28 PM
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Joined: Feb 01, 2009
Posts: 1
Status: Offline
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| I'm a pretty girl with a great personality. I have guys coming up to me all the time. They used to call me all the time really making an effort to be with me, now as I get older the guys that end up liking me make very little effort after like a month to persue me. For example this one guy told my friend he liked me and he messaged me and the time I was suppose to meet him somewhere kind of fell through. Now he makes no effort to contact me. I saw him the other day and I know he still has a thing for me by just the way he looked into my eyes. But why is it that these guys make barely any effort to persue me, maybe I send off this vibe that I'm not interested, because Im afraid to get hurt again so I pretend to not care when in actuality I DO? When a guy likes me do I play hard to get or do I go after it. How do I do this? |
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Janice
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Post subject:
Posted: Feb 03, 2009 - 02:24 AM
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Site Admin
Joined: Mar 19, 2004
Posts: 276
Location: New York City
Status: Offline
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| Getting a guy you like to like you, and pursue you, is not something that is totally within your control. That's why it's important to be able to control those aspects that ARE within your control, mainly, your own behavior. Unfortunately, I was able to tell immediately just what is in the way of getting this relationship out of neutral, which was this statement
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maybe I send off this vibe that I'm not interested, because Im afraid to get hurt again so I pretend to not care when in actuality I DO?
Pretending is the kiss of death in relationships. Pretending is an attempt to manipulate a situation with falsehoods. Pretending is the opposite of intimacy. And because pretending is based on fake, any decent guy will want to run away.
If you "send off this vibe" saying that you're "not interested" then you should know that the reason why this guy hasn't called or wanted to get to know you better is because your vibe is being received loud and clear. "Not interested."
What's really at issue then is how you feel about yourself. If you're afraid of getting hurt again, then, well, you'll have to find a way of getting over it. Relationships involve taking emotional risks in order to get closer to another person and develop intimacy. I suggest that you read my article Fear Factors in order to develop the necessary dating skills to help you manage your fears while getting closer to another person. By taking my step-by-step approach, and you'll be able to manage your fears so that you won't have to "pretend" any more. Good luck! |
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