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marjorie-andee
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Post subject: is he cheating
 Posted: Sep 15, 2008 - 05:47 PM
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Joined: Sep 15, 2008
Posts: 1
Status: Offline
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I have a problem here to share with everyone..
I have been dating my boyfriend for about 4+years now. We met in junior college. Now, i'm in university while he's serving the compulsory national service army before entering university next year.
Our relationship isn't very smooth-sailing; ever since we started dating, we have been plagued by my family woes (parents divorce, eldest child so i'm left to look after the entire family while my mother works overseas as she always does) and also academic woes. However, throughout these trying times, he stood by me and took care of my family and me as such, i am very grateful towards him for that.
However, i cannot get pass my major insecurities. As i am a very open-minded and liberal person, i believe in being transparent with your partner. Whenever i see a cute guy down the mall, i would always never fail tell him about it and joke around with him. Whenever i meet a new gorgeous guy, i would always tell him because i believe transparency makes your partner feel trusted and safe. However, he NEVER ONCE told me such things. Apparently, he always vehemently dismiss whenever i asked him whether he looks at girls or not.
Just until about 6 months ago, when i came back from a month trip to China on my own, i accidentally saw some adult videos in his computer. I jokingly asked him and he said it's his friend. I knew it was his and it was after soooo long before he confessed it was his. I told him it's alright. BUT WHAT HURTS ME THE MOST was that when my plane just touched down and we went for lunch and i asked him about some intimate adult stuff, he said it was to me. So, adult video = me? I was terribly hurt.
Then i went to france for another month on my own again (yes, i always travel alone to explore) i found out through his email that he had signed on japanese adult forum. He vehemently dismissed it and even got angry and lost his temper at me. I let it passed.
Just a few weeks ago, i forced him to finally tell me about the girls he had thought of. Of course, he was angry and said i was paranoid etc. But he finally listed a girl (his ex-junior college classmate and project teammate) as pretty. He said he was hurt because i accused him of CHEATING when all i wanted to say was, "i am feeling hurt because suddenly, after 4 years, i realize there was another girl of such such close proximity. i felt lied to for 4 years". Worse of all, i found her pictures on his computer and he kept saying it's for his best friend who likes her (btw, his best friend hates me)
His online messenger chat log is full of female contacts and when i confront him, he said he doesn't know them. It was upon constant constant confrontation that he said they are the girls he knew from orientation period during junior college 4 YEARS AGO and he said i was being far too jealous and paranoid. I asked him how would he feel if he saw my contact list FULL OF GUYS and i said i don't know. He said he would think it's my ex-classmates - i told him because i am from a co-ed school tt's why. (He's from a all boys elite school.)
In addition, i am a person who is very particular about first impression, presentability, manners, etiquette etc. I do not like people dressing in slippers and sloppily and i always make sure i am dressed my best even with just a simple dress and a pair of plain flats. However, he calls me a "shadow of my mother"(my mother is the perfect epitome of perfection pursuer) and he says that i view the whole world at fault for not "dressing up to my standard" and "it is wrong to drink soup right from the bowl without using the spoon even though the japanese does it". It hurts alot.
Now, the whole situation is this.I don't know if i can trust him. AT ALL. He does sweet stuffs like taking me up a ferris wheel just yesterday to see the full moon, made me his first passenger for his new car and not forgetting the sacrifices he had made the past 4 years. He has always said he wants to marry me (constantly) up till now. However, the more i view my whole situation, the more i feel strongly that he is losing that amorous love and it is all between us is a sisterly caring affection and he is not aware of it. Now, whenever we have a cold war, he would NEVER talk to me for days until i beg. Is he cheating on me? Is the love gone? What should i do? I have such strong feelings that he is hiding so much. How? |
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