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Welcome to the Doctor Love Coach Message Boards!
I invite you to join me and and other members in discussions of just about anything related to dating and relationships.
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mags122289
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Post subject: I made contact after 2 months without...now what?
 Posted: Aug 20, 2008 - 09:55 PM
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Joined: Aug 20, 2008
Posts: 1
Status: Offline
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Hello,
I am 27 yrs old and my BF of 2.5 years broke up with me in June. I decided that if he were really giviing up on our realtiohsip that it would be best that he not contact me ever. We had been having some trouble since the start of the year. Basically he was unsure what he wanted and what made him happy and pulled away trying to figure it out. Between Jan and June there was a lot of push and pull. I'd try to tell him what I need from him to continue and he would tell me he couldn't provide it at the time. But niether of us could walk away as we loved each other so much. There was a huge communication breakdown. Until finally, we agreed to end things and we didn't speak for 2 months until today.
Recently while on match.com (my attempt to get over him) I noticed that he had viewed my profile and marked me as a favorite. I sent him a quick email just saying, "isn't match.com for meeting new people, not old?" I didn't get a reply, but messaged him and we had the following conversation:
me: Hey there, how have you been?
Him: Hey, I'm hanging in there. How about you?
Are you enjoying the summer? I got your email. wasn't sure the best way to respond... over email, phone, etc.
I saw your pic online when I logged on for the first time in a while, hence the "favorite"
me: I'm doing well. Summer has been fun. I'm sad that its coming to a quick end. oh, I was under the impression you had to add someone a favorite specifically. No big deal, I just saw it and thought I should say hi anyway
Him: yeah, well I did click favorite so I could keep find you easy. I've wanted to call every once in a while over the past few months but didn't think it was right to do so
me: ok, because I had asked you not to?
Him: yeah, pretty much. But I just want to know you're doing okay, happy, etc.
as much as you think I'm a jerk I do care about you
me: I care about you too, and I've wanted to call sometimes as well to see how you are. I guess never wanting to be the girl calling her ex-bf when he's with someone else kept me from picking up the phone. I just don't want to be that person calling, you know?
Him: well, for what its worth, I'm not with someone else
me: I have no way of knowing that. I'm just saying that assuming you were, I'd hate to be the ex calling, and that kept me from picking up the phone.
Him: well, you can always call me as I am always here for you. I just felt like initially we needed the separation given what we were going through
you needed things to be different, I couldn't do that and, as such, we needed to put some distance from one another
me: I understand that that is how you feel
Him: well, if you ever want to talk, pleas free to call me. You shouldn't feel like you'd be bothering me as I genuinely want to know what's new with you, how you're doing, etc.
me: do you like the distance though?
Him: Like would not really be the operative word. I think its been needed though. Sort of need to figure out what I am looking for, what makes me happy, and ultimately what's important. I think I'm startting to get some perspective on that
me: Maybe you could send me an email and fill me in?
Him: Perhaps, sometime in the near future
me: ok, I'd really like it if you did
I am in love with this guy and have been dying to have him back ever since we split. I'm not sure how he feels based on the conversation we had. And insight? I don't know what to do next?
Thanks! |
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Janice
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Post subject:
Posted: Oct 17, 2008 - 05:11 PM
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Site Admin
Joined: Mar 19, 2004
Posts: 228
Location: New York City
Status: Offline
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I understand that you'd prefer to take this guy's lead in deciding about pursuing a reconciliation, but he's not doing anything that looks anywhere near "leading." He's giving you clear signs that he is apathetic, at best, about having a relationship with you again, especially not the kind that you want. If he did want what you want, then I don't think there would have been a 2 month silence.
Your "conversation" via i.m. wasn't really a conversation. It was a check -n. Even though another two months have gone by since you initially posted this question, I'd be surprised if he's changed. Besides, what did either of you do different while you were apart that would've better prepared you to repair your "communication breakdown?" What are you willing to do differently in order to avoid more "push and pull?"
Unless you can identify specific changes that you've made, or are willing to make, then I don't see how getting back together would be any different. Plus, he'd have to do the same. Unfortunately, I sense that he's only willing to be "friendly" and "civil." He's not coming across as encouraging or desiring a relationship with you again.
I suggest that you move on and find someone who is willing to commit to communicating with you on a meaningful level. I think this might be your best option at this time.
Just MHO. Good luck! |
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cristina
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Post subject:
Posted: Oct 17, 2008 - 08:00 PM
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Joined: Sep 23, 2008
Posts: 4
Status: Offline
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2.5 years cant be forgotten that fast i undertand what u mean when u say you in love with that man because im also in love and trust me i know what kind of feelings we are talking about
now even it might hurt the whole idea of never being together again is better if you start really accepting it because it sounds that you still hoping he comes back and due to the conversation you guys had hes not telling nothing about being involve in a love relationship is more of a he wants to know you doing ok it was 2.5 years he just cant act like he never want to know about you there were to many beautiful moments b/w the two of you that is something you two wont be able to forget now just start all over again try not to have his pictures sad love songs and try to avoid memorys until later on future were they wont affect you any more i wish you good luck little by little you will be fine
xoxo *cristina* |
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kristine08m
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Post subject:
Posted: Nov 19, 2008 - 04:59 AM
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Joined: Nov 19, 2008
Posts: 3
Status: Offline
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| your problem is very painful in your heart,but I suggest is that move on because love is always there you can wait and always think that god is always in your side... |
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