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Dr. Bennett's listening ear, wise words and unrelenting support helped me ... We've been married now for 3-1/2 weeks!
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Welcome to the Doctor Love Coach Message Boards!
I invite you to join me and and other members in discussions of just about anything related to dating and relationships.
This is a place for everyone to share, so please respect each other and enjoy!
Check out the FAQ for help getting started, or jump right in to the discussions below!
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dana04
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Post subject: Should I be with him
 Posted: Jul 13, 2008 - 04:52 PM
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Joined: Jul 16, 2006
Posts: 4
Status: Offline
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I dated this guy for 2 years and 7 months. Then, we broke up. that was back in 2005. he left me for another girl. After one year and 3 months we got back , 2006. Not even two months of being together, he got another girl pregnant, and he was hiding it from me. I left him. after three months he came back to me telling me that what I've heard is not true that he doesn't have no girl pregnant, and that he wants to marry me. I said no, and we lost contact ever since.
But I knew he was lying because I heard the new from a good source. Severals months later I was tod that he moved in with the girl, and he became a father. Three months after the was born, he saw me on my car driving (Aug 2007). he called me and made a uturn. He followed me to my house and took my number, and from then, he calls me every other time to know if I'm ok. but i never call him. For thanks giving we went to a park. We were just talking as friends. Then, he wanted to take me out for xmas, I said no. You have your girl at home, and I was there first i'm not going no where with you.
From March to April 2008 he started texting me love notes telling me he loves me. Why i never call him. If it is because i don't have feeling for him anymore. Then he kept calling, texting, and always trying to see me whenever he can. When i was moving to my new apt., he moved all my stuffs for me. lately he's being so eager about being with me. He does groceries shopping for me, comes to my place clean my bathroom, my room, do my hair.
Eventually, we're somehow back together few weeks ago. we went out to eat with his baby boy. he would accompanies me where ever i go if I want him to be there. However, he still leaving with the girl telling me that it's not going to be with her for long. And I had a borfriend whom he knows about. i also tell him that I'm not going to leave my boyfriend for you like that. He understands. i'm sorry, i'm writing too much, but I do not know what to do.
My boyfriend, on the other hand, we've been together for one year and a half. From that time he spend 11 months in jail for running away from a car accident scene he involved in. he was released at the beguining of the year, now he is on a program for 6 months. Besides the record he has, he is schizophernic, bipolar, and he is taking medication. I Am asking myself if he is the right person for me. I went to see him in jail, and I'm still visiting him every weeks at the program.
This is the situation i am on right now. i do not now if i should be with him. All he is talking about is me and him marry or together. Then, when it's come to my on and off bofriend, He is my first love, but I can't get over the fact that he left me for another girl. I do not even care about the baby he has, but the girl he left me for back in 2005. It hurts. i was talking to him about it yesterday, he said maybe I can kill him someday. I'm not even thing about doing something like that. the thing is if there is one person in the world that I'm comfortable with is him., and he is too with me. I love him and i hate what he did at the same time.
When i ask him why he did it, he told me because of friends telling him not to have just one girlfriend. but in my mind, I said" they did not tell you to leave me for her. you made that decision. that thing is killing me, but i love him. he is 27. I'm 25, and my boyfriend is 31. |
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Janice
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Post subject:
Posted: Aug 03, 2008 - 05:27 AM
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Site Admin
Joined: Mar 19, 2004
Posts: 228
Location: New York City
Status: Offline
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This situation is w a a a y y too complicated to respond to in a quick post on a website. You are obviously confused and your heart is divided. You have to decide who you ultimately want to be with, and know the reasons why. Frankly, at this point, it's not about who you love the most. It's about who you share the same goals and values with, and that includes trust.
The man with the son has a history of being dishonest to you and of not being loyal, both to you and the father of his child. The man you say is currently your boyfriend does not sound too mentally stable. And if he's been in trouble with the law and in jail, he too may not be honest and trustworthy.
If you are unable to decide who you want to be with, then this may be an opportunity to be alone and figure out who you are and what you want. I suggest that you seek professional help in order to get some clarity. Doing so will help you make the best possible decision. If you are unable to find someone, then I invite you to send me an email with your city and zip code and I'll try to give you a referral. Good luck! |
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cristina
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Post subject:
Posted: Nov 02, 2008 - 01:05 AM
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Joined: Sep 23, 2008
Posts: 4
Status: Offline
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i hope im still on time for an answer .... your situation is very personal only you can decide on what to do because no body else has live it an no body else knows the real story more than you look mami if you stay with the guy that did that to you you know the one with the baby i think no matter what you will always have that little trust issue honestly because you will either forgive and not forget or you are going to forget but you are not gonna forgive so always think on whats the best for you remember that we all make mistakes and we all deserve a second chance but also think about the pain you been threw you need to be sure on how real and ready is him about this you also said before that when you didnt answer his call and all that you were actually forgeting or not having feelings anymore so it might be that you love his personality and how well you get alone when someone is for you it will be for you no matter what and hes doing all this to the woman that hes still marry with what is the chance that he will not do it to you again so if he wants something real again tell him to start but doing things right by finishing a relationship to start anotherone because otherwise he still doing what he did to you i hope this helps you good luck!!!!!!
*cristy* |
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