 |
Welcome to the Doctor Love Coach Message Boards!
I invite you to join me and and other members in discussions of just about anything related to dating and relationships.
This is a place for everyone to share, so please respect each other and enjoy!
Check out the FAQ for help getting started, or jump right in to the discussions below!
|
| Author |
Message |
justjeni
|
|
Post subject: Interested in widower with teen daughter
 Posted: Jul 10, 2008 - 11:08 PM
|
|
Joined: Jul 10, 2008
Posts: 1
Status: Offline
|
|
I am a 32 yr old woman who is VERY interested (I can't emphasize VERY enough!) in dating a 51 yr old widower with a 16 yr old daughter. This man goes to my church and I only see him on sundays at the moment. His wife passed away in Dec 2006, so he has been a widower for 1.5 years now. We have very brief chats, little flirting, etc at church. We have talked on the phone a few times since Oct 2007 when he started showing interest in me and asking a few men at church if it is ok that he notices me. I think if it weren't for his daughter (whole other story) and he is worried if other people will think he is dating too soon after his wife passed - we would be dating or starting to date by now. Now, his darling daughter is super nosy and very influential. He told me back in March that she is vulnerable and is afraid I am going to take him away from her (which is very tempting). She finally emailed me out of the blue and said she doesn't like that I call her dad, and how could I do this to her? Well I had no clue she was reading his emails and she has been asking him if I have called. He doesn't lie to her and answers her questions. I think he now realizes that he needs to keep quiet about things to a point, it is just fueling her fire.
He does like the fact that I am younger, his wife had a few health problems before she passed. He is a little afraid of dating someone his age (he is very young looking/active for 51), due to them having health problems. I totally get that, but I am slightly concerned about him being 51 and waiting a few more years for him. I know I don't have to wait around, I understand this. But I feel something for this man I have never felt for anyone before. I have to see if there is more there before I can move on and this is my dilemma because of the daughter mainly. He also seems old fashioned too, so that could be another obstacle. Any ideas or suggestions or books you recommend??? THANKS! |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
 |
|
Janice
|
|
|
Post subject:
Posted: Aug 03, 2008 - 05:15 AM
|
|
Site Admin
Joined: Mar 19, 2004
Posts: 228
Location: New York City
Status: Offline
|
|
The first thing I wondered about while reading your question was this -- if this man was truly interested in you, then why wouldn't he just put his daughter in her place and just ask you out? But since he hasn't really initiated anything, one would have to wonder -- who's the boss in their relationship?
While I acknowledge that they both experienced a terrible tragedy -- he lost his wife and she lost her mother-- they each have to find ways to grieve and mourn and move on with their lives. If this man is indeed as attractive and healthy as you say he is, it would be normal for him to be interested in women again, even after a year. So my concern is more about how he's been able to communicate to his daughter that his needs for companionship are normal and expectable, and offer to help her to deal with him dating again.
Unfortunately, I don't think this has happened as he has seemingly given her permission to read his email and to contact you. Okay, so maybe he didn't exactly give her "permission," but if he was truly interested in dating, then I would think he'd try a little harder to keep his correspondence with you private.
Anyway, your response to his daughter should be to direct her back to her father. It's likely that she wouldn't like anyone that her dad was going to date anyway, so it's not personal. But attempting to control dad's personal life only happens with his permission, even if it's indirect.
The teenage daughter aside, I do, however, suggest that you think about what the age difference might mean in your relationship. Do you share similar goals and values? Do you want to have children, and does HE want more biological children? Maybe it would be better if he were with a woman with grown children of her own, perhaps even the same age as his daughter.
I hope that I've given you some food for thought that will help you in your decision whether or not to ramp up your flirting. Good luck! |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Welcome !
FAQ
Search
Register
Log in to check your private messages
Log in
