 |
Welcome to the Doctor Love Coach Message Boards!
I invite you to join me and and other members in discussions of just about anything related to dating and relationships.
This is a place for everyone to share, so please respect each other and enjoy!
Check out the FAQ for help getting started, or jump right in to the discussions below!
|
| Author |
Message |
bubblyrunner
|
|
|
Post subject: Just not sure what to do....
 Posted: Jun 12, 2008 - 01:49 AM
|
|
Joined: Jun 12, 2008
Posts: 1
Status: Offline
|
|
If anyone can offer advice, I would appreciate it.
I have been dating my boyfriend for a little over 2 years and we do not live together. He is very independent (living on his on since 16) and while I am, I choose to live at home and save money after college. He's only 3 years older than me and I am insecure in the fact that he's had more sexual partners than I have. I was date raped my first experience then I waited a long time after that in our relationship because I was so scared. We just don't talk about our "sex life" mainly because I'm begging for advice or ask how it was. For the past 2 months he's been renovating a new house, sleeping on an air mattress and there has been NO intimacy, (kissing, yes). It's always been hot and dirty in his house and we haven't spent the night anywhere away for the past two months. I guess I have this preconceived notion that if "it" were really good(I enjoy it), but i have nothing to compare it to, he would take me on anywhere anytime. Can he be that stressed out, he really is not in the mood no matter what? I think I watch too much tv. Help me keep my self-confidence! Guys help me out here? |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
 |
|
Janice
|
|
|
Post subject:
Posted: Aug 03, 2008 - 04:53 AM
|
|
Site Admin
Joined: Mar 19, 2004
Posts: 228
Location: New York City
Status: Offline
|
|
I'm not a guy, but I do understand your confusion about why there hasn't been more intimacy with your boyfriend. There are a whole lot of factors involved that need some sorting out, and maybe by doing so, you might find some help.
First of all, the fact that you were sexually assaulted one time in your life is pretty significant. This can color your perceptions of the opposite sex, whether you're aware of it or not. If you told your boyfriend about your history, he may be concerned about initiating any kind of physical intimacy with you, especially if you send out signals that your scared.
Secondly, it sounds like he's been legitimately busy with home renovations and that could tire him out! Expecting someone who is involved in a lot of physical labor to be able to turn around and be romantic may not be realistic. So, yeah, you may indeed be watching too much tv.
I suggest that you talk with your boyfriend about what you want and need from him, rather than stay in the corner "fearfully." But if you find this too difficult, it may be because of issues of trust and intimacy that arose from the sexual assault. So I suggest you speak with a therapist to help you to sort out your feelings. This will then help you resolve your past and be able to move on into your future. If you are unable to find someone, then I invite you to send me your city and zip code and I'll give you a referral. Good luck! |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Welcome !
FAQ
Search
Register
Log in to check your private messages
Log in
