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cjcocoaeyes
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Post subject: Dating a widower
 Posted: Apr 26, 2008 - 08:39 PM
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Joined: Apr 26, 2008
Posts: 1
Status: Offline
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| My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year now. We got together not long after his wife passed in a fatal car accident. They were together 9 years, married for 3, but had been having a lot of problems and an on-again/off-again relationship for the last year of their marriage. When she died I told him that he could take his time and deal with everything and then we would pick up again about dating (we hadn't gone out yet even though divorce papers were filed at the time). He assured me that the marriage was over a long time before and that it was more losing a good friend of almost 10 years and he was ready. So we started dating and ended up getting pregnant right away. Everything was great! He stood up for me with all of his friends and family and told them all that he was ready and that he loved me and couldn't wait for our son to be born. (They never had children even though she wanted them, she wasn't ready) Then about 2 months before our son was born, he withdrew from me and shut down emotionally. The day our son was born he told me that he felt everything inside him change and he was completely ready to be a family and was happier than he'd ever been. Now, our son is 3 months old and the anniversary of his wife's wreck is next week. Last week he told me that he realized that he hadn't dealt with everything like he thought he did and needed time. So, me and the baby went to mom's to give it to him. I knew that this time this year would be rough but I had gone through everything else with him and he even says that he wouldn't have made it through without me last year, but now I don't know what's going on. We've talked since I left and he's seen his son....he even had us both over for dinner the other night and everything was like it used to be. I told him that I'm here and I believe in him and know that he can get through this and that if he needs to talk just call. But, I'm worried and don't know what to do. Any help from anyone would be greatly appreciated because I'm so lost and trying to be strong for our son, but I'm starting to lose steam!! |
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Janice
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Post subject:
Posted: Apr 28, 2008 - 06:15 AM
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Site Admin
Joined: Mar 19, 2004
Posts: 228
Location: New York City
Status: Offline
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It is clear that the father of your son has gone through some major traumas over the past couple of years -- separation and pending divorce, tragic death of a "close friend," and birth of a child. All of these events rate very high on the scale of major traumatic events in a person's life and the feelings that come out of them can be confusing and, of course, frequently painful.
The only way that I see this man making the most of the time he spends apart from you and your son is if he is in regular psychotherapy with a competent professional. Otherwise, he could be floundering on his own and potentially missing out on the great joy that he could get by playing an active part of his son's life.
If he is not currently in treatment and needs a referral, please send me an email through the "Contact Us" link with your state and zip code and I'll see what I can do to help him find one. It's very important (especially to your son) that he get help now! |
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