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jhay_ahr08
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Post subject: not ready for a commitment
 Posted: Apr 23, 2008 - 06:54 AM
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Joined: Apr 23, 2008
Posts: 1
Status: Offline
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| hi, my boyfriend and I have been together for 3 1/2 yrs now and my problem is im really having a hard time with this "commitment" thing because I really want to commit but apparently he doesn't want any commitments now. Well we are really a good couple, rarely having fights and I am kind of the jealous type but he definitely understands why sometimes im being so paranoid (its because of my past relationship). We both now have a job because before when we were in the Philippines we don't have a job that's why we were together every single day so when we came in Canada everythings changed. Before we used to talk about our future on how and when to get married but now it seems that he always wants to change topic. He said that now that we have a job he wants to enjoy first and don't think about marriage for the meantime. But what I want is assurance that he will marry me or I am the right girl for him. He said to me that I am the only girl that he wants to marry but he just wants to take time before doing that. I mean what should I do, do i have to wait or what? I am really confused, i mean I really love him but i don't know how much he loves me. Should I stay or should I go? |
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Janice
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Post subject:
Posted: Apr 28, 2008 - 06:07 AM
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Site Admin
Joined: Mar 19, 2004
Posts: 228
Location: New York City
Status: Offline
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| I am a big believer in listening to what people say, as that is the best way to predict what they will do. Your boyfriend said the following to you --
Quote:
He said that now that we have a job he wants to enjoy first and don't think about marriage for the meantime. . . . .He said to me that I am the only girl that he wants to marry but he just wants to take time before doing that.
Asking him to reassure you that you are the right girl for him is going to sound redundant to him. He has already told you what he's feeling and what he wants, which is to enjoy his new job and feel more settled in his life. If you keep on asking him then he will see you as a nagging girlfriend. Is that what you want? To turn him off with your insecurity?
If the effects of a past relationship has made you insecure in your current relationship, then I suggest that you seek psychotherapy in order to learn how to get over the past so that it doesn't intrude on your present, and future, life. Otherwise, I suggest that you take your boyfriend's lead and enjoy your new country and stable living situation and let your relationship grow and deepen. Good luck! |
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