|
Thank you for having such a great website! Reading your articles and blogs has helped me a lot & shed so much light on my dating behaviors.
-- Sue[Click here to read more]
|
Main Menu
|
|
|
Online
|
|
|
|
|
 |
Welcome to the Doctor Love Coach Message Boards!
I invite you to join me and and other members in discussions of just about anything related to dating and relationships.
This is a place for everyone to share, so please respect each other and enjoy!
Check out the FAQ for help getting started, or jump right in to the discussions below!
|
| Author |
Message |
dulu
|
|
Post subject: i need suggestions
 Posted: Dec 03, 2007 - 06:09 PM
|
|
Joined: Dec 03, 2007
Posts: 2
Status: Offline
|
|
| i've a "girlfriend", i said it so because we have not decided yet the status just because of some situations and conditions. but we both know that we love each other and we each other don't feel the status is important, even if in the first, we feel that it must be defined... at my side, i've got a dilemma, i love her and also love my mom. here is the problem: in my family (parents, sisters and brothers), they want me to marry someone who has in the same tribe as my family, not from the other tribes. on the other side, i love my "girlfriend", and i think i'm quite right for that, because i don't love her physically; i know what her heart looks like, something outside her physical, e.g. mental. now, i'm in a dilemma, a "war" inside me that may be someday will drive me crazy..., i ever try not to love her anymore, but i can't, i feel she's good enough for me... another story: before i loved her, i never this is gonna to happen to me, and i never got some pictures of my life in the future before (maybe because i feel lazy to think my future, since it will come to me), but after met her, i have something called dream (i don't know whether it's just a thought or something that i must struggle). i even know/guess what the result when i marry to her, my family will oppose us, or her personally, and i don't want that happens... but if i follow my family, somehow i feel it's my life(something that doesn't need other persons' decision, but i still hear their suggestions); i feel i will feel lazy to find another woman, or feel nothing and i don't want to fall in love anymore... or said that i fall in love with another woman, i think that i won't be feel like this... i know i can force it to marry her, but i also don't want my mum get hurted, because she's the one who growed me up until now... huff... what a sad of me... i can't decide yet, even if i feel that i will follow what my heart said, i will marry with my "girlfriend"... i wait for your suggestions..... thank you before for your suggestions... |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
 |
|
Janice
|
|
|
Post subject:
Posted: Dec 07, 2007 - 03:56 AM
|
|
Site Admin
Joined: Mar 19, 2004
Posts: 228
Location: New York City
Status: Offline
|
|
You sound painfully confused. You have conflicting pressures on you to make certain life choices, and since you don't have a vision of what you really want, then you will only make choices designed to make others happy, not you.
We are all products of our upbringing, combined with our genetic natures. Your upbringing has (hopefully) given you morals and values that you can use to lead a productive life. Racial relations or "tribal" relations can be a big part of someone's identify and life. I wouldn't throw that away so quickly until and unless you're clear that this woman shares your values and is compatible with you intellectually, emotionally and physically.
I don't know how old you are but I get a sense that your confusion is a result of your immaturity. I suggest that you wait until you're over 25 years old before making a big decision like this. Also, you could benefit from finding a mental health professional to help you. If you write back to me with a request, I'll send you a referral to a psychotherapist near you.
Good luck! |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
dulu
|
|
|
Post subject:
Posted: Dec 07, 2007 - 04:40 AM
|
|
Joined: Dec 03, 2007
Posts: 2
Status: Offline
|
|
thank you for your suggestions. i'm 23 years old, and my "girlfriend" is one year older than me. yes, i think i'm still immaturity, because i never find a problem like this before. at that time, i felt drown, because when i want to love someone, and there's another person(said it, from families) who doesn't agree with my relationship just because of "tribal" relationship, not because they know how bad/good she is. my location is at asia.
does it need for me to have a vision? actually i have a plan, but i don't want it frigthened me everytime, since i think it will come as long as i struggle with it, and when its scope is only me, it's easier for me to fulfill it. but in this problem, i want to struggle it, but its scope is not only me, there are other persons who i love, and i don't want them(especially both) to fight each other. i somehow also feel that i need sometime to decide it, and maybe this is the only way to grow me up to maturity. if you have other suggestions, please let me know. thank you. |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
samthomas
|
|
|
Post subject:
Posted: Apr 17, 2008 - 08:03 AM
|
|
Joined: Apr 17, 2008
Posts: 2
Status: Offline
|
|
If you like person who is outside your race and dating with her then nobody would have problem. I think you should try to introduce your girlfriend in your family and try to make understand your family that how she is good.
Tribal relationship brings with it deep-rooted differences such as culture, religion, beliefs and the general sensitivity of things so you both will require understanding, patience and flexibility to make this kind of relationship valuable. |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
FAQ
Search
Register
Log in to check your private messages
Log in
