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Kathy42
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Post subject: Dating a widower
 Posted: Oct 21, 2007 - 08:42 PM
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Joined: Oct 21, 2007
Posts: 1
Status: Offline
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| I am dating a widower, he has been widowed for 2.5 years; and we have been dating for 1 year. He will not tell me he loves me, however he does say; you know that i love you, but im not ready to say it. He is also says hes not ready for a livin relationship; which I respect, but i would like to know what time frame I can expect from him. I get along well with his three grown childern and his extended family, but I feel that he is holding himself back from me. He says he is affraid of loosing someone he loves again, does that mean he will always be aftraid and never committe? |
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Janice
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Post subject:
Posted: Nov 18, 2007 - 01:15 AM
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Site Admin
Joined: Mar 19, 2004
Posts: 228
Location: New York City
Status: Offline
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It's difficult to predict the amount of time someone needs to recover and move on after losing a spouse. A lot can depend on if he lost his wife suddenly, or if she suffered from a long illness. Psychological and sociological research indicates that widowers who were happily married are more likely to remarry after losing a wife, and can do so within a couple of years. But again, there are a lot of factors involved that you didn't share, and you may not really know.
I suggest that you listen to what your boyfriend says. One telling statement has to do with his fear of losing someone he loves again. This is his way of asking you to stick it out with him as he needs to learn to trust that you're healthy (physically) and loyal (emotionally). Saying "I love you" may come with time, but at this point I suggest that you accept his actions over his words (or lack of them). If you're exclusive, then that says a lot about his commitment. If you make a big deal about him not saying what you want to hear, then it may turn him off rather than inspire him.
Moving any relationship forward frequently takes tact and timing. If you're unhappy with the pace your relationship is moving, then remember you still have the option of leaving. On the other hand, see if you can focus on the fulfillment you are getting in the present, and keep him informed that you love him and want to be with him into the future. Doing so can reassure him that you are there for him and sticking around for the long haul. If you do this for another 3 to 6 months, I think you'll see some progress on his end. |
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