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Welcome to the Doctor Love Coach Message Boards!
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Perfectly_Unperfect
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Post subject: Is Patience the Key?
 Posted: Aug 10, 2006 - 03:06 AM
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Joined: Aug 10, 2006
Posts: 3
Status: Offline
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This is guna be a long one, please bare with me. I have been friends with this guy for over 3 years now, and at the begining of our friendship he told me he had feelings for me at the time I was dating someone. Whom is now my ex. I always said no to him because I had just gotten out of the relationship and I didnt know what I wanted. Plus he lives 3 hours away from me. We are involved in the same sport, so when the season starts we see each other more often than off season.
Anyways, Now i'm starting to like him. Honestly sometimes I wish I started feeling this way sooner. But thats just not how it was guna work. All I can think about everyday is him. When I wake up and when I go to sleep. He is a very caring man, has his own business, and is very well on his own with independance. I'm very proud of him for what he has accomplished in his life!
Recently I went to visit him and a bunch of friends. And the same things happen everytime we see each other. Immediatly we connect and sometimes we end up spending the night together. Not always, which is good, cause I know its not always about sex. But when he was here for my birthday a couple months ago, my friend talked to him and asked him some questions, my friend knowing I have feelings for him, and I also know that they got along, considering they are both business men and have a lot in common. He asked him things like how he knew me, what he thought, and if he ever thought of moving to the same city as me. His responses were he thought I was great, and yes he has thought of moving. He apparently had everything planned out on how he would move, it was so well planned out he had his dentist picked out! lol So my friend asks him "why not move then" and his response was "I dont know"
So when i saw him recently, we all start talking about dating as a casual conversation..and the guy I like says "I dont want to date anyone..I'm afraid i'd hurt them, even if i thought some other girl was cute while dating a girl, i'd feel i was hurting them" so i'm sitting there thinking..wow...ok heres a guy who hasnt been in a real relationship for 4 years...maybe hes just a lil scared? and used to single life? I also know hes a busy guy with his job. As well when we all went out, he mentioned moving to my city again, and we were talking about a place he wanted to go to, so i told him next time hes in town i would go..but then he says "Well maybe one day if i move there, i would have more fun with you anyways"
My friend whom talked to him on my birthday also told me what was mentioned in the conversation..he said that he was told by the guy I like "I dont want to date her because i'm afraid i wouldnt have enough time for her with my job right now" so that tells me hes still interested, but I am completely understanding with the whole job aspect..job comes first. As well my friend thinks theres still something there between me and this guy.
I'm not sure what to think tho...maybe you can see the answer is right in front of my face reading all this..but like many others, I cant see the answer to my own problems all the time, but i can sure help them lol Could you please give me your input on this? Is he still really interested? and should I be patient and let love lead the way?
Perfectly_Unperfect |
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Janice
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Post subject: Re: Is Patience the Key?
Posted: Aug 14, 2006 - 07:07 PM
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Site Admin
Joined: Mar 19, 2004
Posts: 228
Location: New York City
Status: Offline
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| I don't understand why you would be "patient" when you got this clear message from the guy you're interested in --
Quote:
. . . he was told by the guy I like "I dont want to date her because i'm afraid i wouldnt have enough time for her with my job right now"
Once you take that message seriously, you'll see that he probably just sees you as a FWB -- a "Friend With Benefits" -- whenever he comes into town, or whenever you see him in his city. If you two would actually make plans to spend more time together after each visit, taking into account your understanding of his work being a priority, then you'd know just how he sees you in his life.
If you decide to avoid talking about your eventual relationship goals, and be "patient," there's no guarantee that doing so would cause any change, or give you more clarity. The only way to get the benefit of a committed relationship is to ask for it.
You're already in the "friend zone." Decide if you want more, and then ask for it. See my response to the post on the Reality Dating Forum entitled More Than a Friend? |
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Perfectly_Unperfect
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Post subject: Re: Is Patience the Key?
Posted: Sep 14, 2006 - 06:25 PM
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Joined: Aug 10, 2006
Posts: 3
Status: Offline
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| Well normally I would think that it was FWB but whenever we see each other, its not always a make out fest or anything. We do hang out. And hes been calling me these past 2 months...very short convos, but he wonders how i am, and tells me his most recent news..and then thats it. very short. He checks my page all the time (I can see who checks my page on a site) so...I duno...see if I get the courage to talk to him I guess. |
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Ciprian
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Post subject: RE: Re: Is Patience the Key?
Posted: Jan 02, 2007 - 09:16 PM
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Joined: Dec 21, 2006
Posts: 4
Status: Offline
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Maybe you should talk it over a bit more with him, and make it clear that this is really important for you.
He does seem interested in you, so maybe its just another case of commitment-phobia. |
_________________
Chemistry and Numbers: The Online Dating Guide
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