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I owe you a big THANK YOU. . . you were instrumental in helping me get engaged to a wonderful man by keeping me focused on the right things. I would definitely recommend your professional help to others.
-- Angie[Click here to read more]
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  Welcome to my mind! This is where I share my thoughts, reactions and experiences as your relationship coach.
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 I'm always telling singles to ask questions of their dating partners as a way to tell if they're compatible. They should listen to what's being said and observe behaviors to help make an informed decision about a relationship's potential. High on the list of desirable qualities for both sexes is stability, and though I don't recommend doing this in the early stages of dating, the Wall Street Journal recently published the article Nine questions partners should ask each other before getting married by Jeff Opdyke in his "Love and Money" column (the link is only available to online subscribers, but if you want a copy of the article, send an email to me from the Contact Us page with your request.) In the article, Opdyke says that "in their rush down the aisle, couples often think that love will overcome any disagreements about saving and spending. It doesn't. . . . personal-finance silence eventually leads to frustration, fights and power struggles." So he suggests all newlyweds ask themselves and their partners these nine questions to get a better understanding of how you each view money -- and the role it will play in your relationship. Here are some excerpts -- 1. What are your financial assets and liabilities? This is the most basic question -- and the most difficult to discuss. Money remains such a taboo that people are disinclined to share how much they've saved, how much they earn or how much debt they've accumulated on credit cards, auto leases and such. They're even queasier asking a partner to divulge those details.
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Posted by: Janice
on Wednesday, March 29, 2006
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My husband Richard and I celebrated our 18th wedding anniversary this week, which seems just too awesome to admit. For the occasion, we went to see a popular play, "The Light at the Piazza." Mind you, we don't go to the theatre often, but I had heard it was a very good play, won several Tony awards, and so we bought the tickets a month ahead of time. You're now wondering, "So. . . how was the play? Did you enjoy it?" I must admit that I loved the sets and the scenary, loved the period costumes (1950's Italy), and thought the music, singing and acting were very good. And we had great seats in the fourth row! But I hated the story. For those of you who know me, the reason will not surprise you -- the story was about love at first sight. Blech! So while we enjoyed a rare night out together, I was reminded of two things -- #1. I don't think I can easily escape from my mission of coaching singles to find and create life partner relationships; and #2. I'll be sure to check out the actual storylines of the plays and movies I go to beforehand. (You should too!)
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The LA Times reports that the dating site E-Harmony.com has launched an internet service called "EHarmony Marriage" designed to strengthen marriages. "We call it a marriage wellness service," said company founder Neil Clark Warren, 71, himself a clinical psychologist. "It's not a substitute for counseling, but a customized program to deal with routine conflicts." Similar to how the EHarmony dating website works, couples complete a 310-item online questionnaires concerning communication, romance, sex and other topics. They then receive a computer-processed marriage profile that points out strengths and possible problem areas. The fee: $75 per couple. A series of instructional online videos hosted by Warren can be added to the package, bringing the total to $239. Since no discounts are offered for folks who met on the Pasadena-based EHarmony (Warren said that more than 16,000 marriages had resulted from matches on the site since it was founded in 2000), I'd say this just adds proof to the pudding that it doesn't matter where you meet someone. "Every good marriage," Warren says, "has conflict."
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 UPDATED 1/31/06 --See end of post. I just returned from a trip to Los Angeles, California to visit my family (parents, brothers, niece & nephew). The weather was fantastic -- mammoth storms that scared me before I left were no where to be found when I got there. My son and I had 6 days to enjoy clear and warm weather. Finally feeling I could relax, I thumbed through the American Airlines magazine while we were flying westward. And I noticed a lot of advertisements in the magazine specifically targeted for singles. Here's one -- SelectiveSearch-inc.com utilizes executive recruiting techniques to help singles form exclusive relationships. As Barbie Adler, Founder & President, says, "If the vetting process is so effective in corporate America, why wouldn't I apply the same methodology to persohal lives?"
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Posted by: Janice
on Friday, January 27, 2006
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 I had a quintessential New York City experience on New Year's Eve. No, I did not go to Times Square to watch the ball drop. (And no, I have zero interest in ever doing that.) My husband Richard and I went to Central Park instead. What's in Central Park on New Year's Eve, you ask? I had the same question for awhile too having heard that lots goes on there, including a big fireworks display at midnight. But in addition to the fireworks, there's another reason why people spend New Year's Eve in Central Park. It's because of the "Midnight Run" sponsored by the New York Road Runner's club (the same group that brings you the New York City marathon). The Midnight Run is actually a 4 mile course around the park that starts exactly at midnight, with many runners wearing all sorts of costumes; but even if they weren't wearing costumes, I say that all of them are crazy. I say that in a loving way, of course, because why else would thousands of people go running in 25 degree weather at midnight?! It's because they're crazy, that's why! Many of you know that I usually eschew most of the blown-out-of-proportion secular holidays, such as Valentine's Day, Mother's and Father's Days, and even Thanksgiving.
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Posted by: Janice
on Monday, January 09, 2006
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 So, is your date "marriage material?" You can find out the answer to that question by taking a new marriage test based on research by Swiss psychologist Carl G. Jung. You remember Dr. Jung from your Psych 101 class in college, don't you? He determined that specific "archetypes" form the foundation of an individual's psyche. It turns out he also had an interest in astrology and had even conducted astrological experiments using the birth charts of 483 couples to develop his theory of "Synchronicity." Only now, because of online dating market demands for reliable compatibility assessments, has this knowledge been resurrected by Compatti.com to form the basis of a new marriage test. As their press release states:In an attempt to shortlist the hundreds of possible matches for frustrated online dating users Compatti.com employed a reliable tool based on Jung?s astrological marriage indicators. . . .Jung's Synchronicity marriage indicators are provided in addition to the existing Compatti? Match feature. The popularity and simplicity of this approach are quite apparent. Since users must answer only 3 questions: date, time and place of birth, the retest reliability of this test is higher than any online psychological tests. . . .it provides a simple, but reliable, way for online dating users to narrow their search for suitable candidates in a long-term relationship. As an online dating website, Compatti.com is small. I did a quick search for men and women in different age ranges and found singles all over the U.S. Many professed interests in various New Age subjects, such as "divination, tarot, palmistry and meditation," as well as the more mundane activities like gardening, dancing and golf.
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Posted by: Janice
on Friday, December 30, 2005
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There's an interesting discussion on the "JDater's Anonymous blog" about singles going out of their "comfort zone" while dating. And "comfort zone" is the term being used to describe dating someone who may be "geographically undesirable." Well, I had plenty to say, and rather than give you the digested version, I thought I'd reprint my comment here in its entirety -- As someone who moved across the country to marry my husband, I believe that I know of what I speak. I disagree with Annabel Lee when she said -- "I've built a life where I am, and just as I wouldn't expect anyone to move for me, I don't want to be expected to move for anyone. So if I met a great guy who knew, with certainty, that within a few months he would be moving to a city I couldn't drive to in under an hour or two, I'd probably write him off." I was born, raised and trained in L.A. and had no desire to live anywhere else. But I went to N.Y. to attend a wedding and was introduced to my husband. I actually went out with another guy while I was there too. But I would never have said yes to either date expecting that they would have moved for me to L.A. So just agreeing to a date meant that I was agreeing to moving to N.Y. And as it turned out, I did. Esther is right by wondering if singles are getting too comfortable. The way I see it, this comfort creates a big fat boulder for singles who want to get married. "Writing off" a guy who is geographically undesirable because you've "built a life where I am," implies that your life as a single woman is more important than being married . . . anywhere. I wasn't going to stick around L.A. as a single woman no matter how comfy I was there. If it meant navigating a long distance relationship, I was willing to do that because I met an awesome guy. I would have preferred that he live in L.A., but that wasn't the reality.
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Posted by: Janice
on Wednesday, December 21, 2005
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The "Style" section of the Sunday New York Times features articles about fashion, cultural trends, love and relationships, as well as wedding announcements and profiles. The 11/27/05 edition offered a cornucopia of articles pertaining to dating and relationships that I thought would be worthy of your attention: **In the Modern Love column, Point 1: We Had Fun. Point 2: It's Over. Point 3: Get Lost, Raya Kuzyk breaks up with her boyfriend via a PowerPoint presentation. Nice. Except readers clearly see that she should not have even dated him in the first place since he was engaged to marry someone else. Good overall reading of an example of how you can't deny reality, no matter how obsessive-compulsive you are. **"Test Adds New Twist to the Dating Game," presents the new "quick do-it-yourself H.I.V. test." Singles may soon be able to purchase a 20-minute test which is currently only available at clinics. The test (requiring a simple swab of the gums) could be available on pharmacy shelves within the next year, as the manufacturer, OraSure Technologies in Bethlehem, Pa, encouraged by a federal drug advisory committee earlier this month, is expected to apply to the Food and Drug Administration soon for permission to start selling its H.I.V. test over the counter. How the availability of such a test will affect dating behavior, and in particular, sexual activity, amongst singles is discussed. The article particularly mentions the influence of the internet on dating, stating that "the H.I.V. test also addresses an issue that more and more singles face: knowing next to nothing about their next date.
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Posted by: Janice
on Sunday, November 27, 2005
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