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I participated in Janice' s *Beyond Chemistry* series in Spring 2004 ... [ and] became engaged in September, 2004! Thanks Janice!
-- Becky[Click here to read more]
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  Welcome to my mind! This is where I share my thoughts, reactions and experiences as your relationship coach.
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I was on the sidelines for a long time,without quite knowing how to get back in the game.Then I stumbled upon Dr. Janice.....She became my coach and number one Cheerleader as well,changing my life.She can change yours as well!!!
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Posted by: Flowering
on Sunday, September 19, 2010
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Our First Lady, Michelle Obama, was interviewed by Katie Couric of CBS News and was asked a question about dating submitted by a 26 year old "young professional woman." She wanted to know how to pick out a guy as great as she did in picking Barack. Click here to hear what she had to say: Michelle's Dating Advice.
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The New York Times must have a lot of singles working in their big building in Times Square with nothing better to do than to write what they know most about -- their single status and their attempts to make it work. What better place could there be for them to write about the pros and cons of dating those with whom you work. In Boss's Memo: Go Ahead, Date (With My Blessing) (article is re-printed below), Stephanie Rosenbloom is able to find plenty of evidence from human resource personnel to top
administrators and executives to give the green light to singles who want to date a co-worker.
I have expressed my doubts about inter-office dating before. In the message board thread We work together, can we date? I questioned if it was a good idea for a woman's to date her supervisor which would require breaking company rules against fraternizing with other employees. Under these circumstances, I suggested that she determine
which is more important -- her job or the guy.
My main objection to the NYTimes article concerns the aftereffects of a breakup, which is given short-shrift. I know singles who have jobs where fraternizing is allowed, and while it can make some aspects of the job fun, there can be some serious side effects making the practice challenging, confusing and, unfortunately, painful. While breaking up is difficult enought as it is, imagine having to then face that person on a daily basis at work. Most of my clients fear running
into an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend on the busy streets of New York (not all that likely, but possible), but there's few places to hide in an office you are tethered for 8 (or more) hours a day.
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Posted by: Janice
on Saturday, October 13, 2007
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The NYTimes has called out a gorilla that exists in the rooms of many financially successful women -- the challenge they encounter when dating men who earn less money. The article Putting Money on the Table (also reprinted below) is an interesting one, providing lots of examples of women struggling to find a decent guy despite the digits (or lack thereof) on his pay stub. This is not news to me. While the article attempted to profile these high-earning women in a positive light, and might even make you feel a bit sorry for them, the article left out the possibility that these women could be more successful in the dating arena if they had a different attitude about their money. This is an issue that I have dealt with on numerous occasions with many of my female coaching clients, helping them to see that the discrepancy in paychecks does not have to be a "dealbreaker." Here's what I mean -- since a relationship is basically a partnership, each partner has to bring to the table different things. Traditionally, a woman was only required to bring her beauty and charm to a marriage, while the man was expected to provide the support and structure. In other words, a woman's worth was in her looks, while a man's worth was in his position and paycheck. Today, in the 21st century, with many women holding important positions and making respectable incomes, these roles no longer have to be assigned by gender. Consequently, singles have more opportunities to create partnerships based on mutual sharing and giving, rather than traditional gender roles.
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Posted by: Janice
on Monday, September 24, 2007
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Do unmarried Americans need a week to "celebrate" their single status, similar to Black History Month, Breast Cancer Awareness Month, and Secretary's Day? Well it seems like the answer is "yes," according to Unmarried America, "a website providing an information service for the new unmarried majority. . . unmarried workers, consumers, taxpayers, and voters." They created National Unmarried and Single Americans Week aka National USA Week. Designed to celebrate the lives and contributions of unmarried and single Americans from September 17th to 23rd, so "During Singles Week we want the general public to know that 89 million unmarried Americans -- and we now head up more than half of the nation's households -- deserve equal rights and fairness as workers, consumers, and taxpayers. We also want politicians and political parties to pay more attention to us as voters. That is more likely to happen if unmarried Americans speak out and spread this message." The website is filled with lots of facts and figures, one of the more interesting stated that 55.9 million
households in 2005 -- now a majority of all households in the nation -- are headed by unmarried adults. While I can see how these collective numbers can theoretically carry voting power, I think that the inherent differences among never married, divorced and widowed singles would make it difficult to target them as a group. Add into the equation their geographical location, and I'm not so sure that their social and political needs can be easily defined, let alone met. However, if you're single and not a secretary, mother, father, Black American, or breast cancer survivor and looking to be celebrated, it looks like this is your week! Congrats!
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The Fourth of July just passed and I have to admit that I was disappointed. My husband and I had planned lots of activities to do together, all of which required clear skies and warm sunshine. Instead, it was cold and rainy for most of the day, which meant that all of our plans had to be shelved. I was frustrated and disappointed, and in a bad mood that matched the gray skies.
Dealing with frustration and disappointment is a skill that we all have to learn early in life. Unfortunately, many people don't, and it can manifest in many aspects of their lives, from work to play to love. Like many people, I've had my share of disappointments in my life, many much greater than experiencng failed Fourth of July plans. I've developed an armory of techniques to help me deal, and am frequently called on to help others
develop ones that work for them.
So instead of continuing to mope and complain on the Fourth of July, I went to the gym. I sweated it out and distracted myself while watching "Project Runway" repeats on tv. I had more time than I usually am able to schedule for work-outs during the week, so I didn't feel pressed for time. On the way home I called my husband from my cell phone to share that I was feeling much better. We made dinner together, watched a celebratory show and then one of my all-time favorite
movies, Woody Allen's "Manhattan."
It's no secret that dating to find a life partner relationship will be riddled with frustration and disappointments. So it's necessary to have some good coping strategies in your repetoire. Start by looking at dating is an opportunity to learn more about yourself and create the kind of life you want. Taking advantage of the opportunities that come with frustration can be one road to growth.
Besides, how many opportunities for growth are in a pint of Ben & Jerry's?
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I was recently sent this in an email. I don't know the actual source yet, but hopefully will find it soon!
ARE YOU WILLING TO: This means you better do it.
FINE: This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of "those" arguments.
FIVE MINUTES: This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.
NOTHING: This means "something" and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and will end with the word "Fine".
GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows): This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine".
GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows): This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care". You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine", and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.
LOUD SIGH: This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here arguing with you over "Nothing".
SOFT SIGH: Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sigh" means that she is content. Your best bet is not to move or breathe, and she will stay content.
THAT'S OKAY: This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead". At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.
PLEASE DO: This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay".
THANKS: A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say "you're welcome".
THANKS A LOT: This is much different than "Thanks". A woman will say "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh". Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh" as she will only tell you "Nothing".
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Last month, my spry, tap-dancing mother accidentally fell and broke her hip. Like many elderly women in their 70's, my mother knew it could happen to her at any time and took precautionary measures to prevent it. She took her Fosomax on a weekly basis, she exercised and ate healthy. But my mother lived in constant fear. She recently told my sister-in-law that she would wake up each morning and ask, "Is this the day I'm going to break my hip?" When she took her dog Kukla out for a walk, she was extra careful not to let the dog pull too hard on her leash, fearing she would fall. When she walked to the market, she made sure not to walk too fast or take her eyes off of the sidewalk, fearing she would step on an unforeseen crack. She was always wondering, "Is this how I'll end up breaking my hip?" You may recall my article "The Pursuit of Attraction-ness." In it, I described how the Law of Attraction can help singles find the life partner relationship they want. To recap--by envisioning the kind of life you want, believing that you deserve it, and then living and behaving in ways that are consistent with this vision, you will attract the people you want to attract. My dear mother followed the Law of Attraction, yet to unfortunate results. By believing she was vulnerable and weak, she envisioned a disaster. . . and ended up attracting one!
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Posted by: Janice
on Wednesday, March 14, 2007
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 Every year around this time, I begin to hear the moans and groans from singles about what to do on Valentine's Day. This is quite unpleasant for me, since I don't believe that only one day of the year should be designated to honor love. In order to help me handle my frustration, I thought I'd do some research to find out a little more about this "holiday." Because I wasn't raised learning about saints and martyrs, I discovered that although myths and legends about St. Valentine abound, there's really only one story about him that's actually "romantic." In the third century A.D., the Roman Emperor Claudius II found that married men were often unwilling to leave their wives and children to serve in the military. To fill his dwindling army, the ruthless ruler outlawed marriage for young men. Valentine, a priest in Rome, defied Claudius and performed marriages for young lovers in secret. When his actions were discovered, he was put to death on the 14th of February. How clandistine relationships and marriages morphed into a day of chocolate, roses and hype is beyond me, and would probably take a historian to uncover. Nevertheless, Valentine, the priest, was recognized and voted into sainthood. And since I understand that there's some good to be gained by honoring, or even emulating, a saint, I found a resource that I think will benefit today's singles. It's from the recent issue (Feb. 8-14 ) of TimeOut/New York entitled "Why you?re single. Whatever the reason, we?re here to help. " It offers a cornucopia of resources to help you a) improve your squeaky voice, overweight body, bad breath and/or poor posture; as well as b) get over-- feeling desperate, shy, cheap and/or obsessed with your pet or ex-lover; and even c) deal with being commitment-phobic (to name just a few). So honor St. Valentine by getting yourself ready for the relationship you really want. There's probably lots of ground to cover.
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