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 Hello Dr. Janice, I am in a great relationship of 3 years with my boyfriend. I am at a crossroads right now in making a decision. I moved across country to be with him and go to school....now I have the option of moving back to my home state to go to school there, or staying here where the school is not as great, but my boyfriend is going to be staying here for awhile. He is unable to move with me, and thinks we should break-up if I decide to leave, to not do a long-distance thing. I really love him and he is totally committed, but I also do not want to compromise my happiness with plans of a degree. I am really scared to be single also, but am also scared of marrying him because he is my first and only. What can you give me for perspective? I really need some advice! Jenny Dear Jenny, Your dilemma is a common one for many college and graduate students who formed meaningful relationships while away at school. While your first priority was initially to get a good education, a student can be forced to reevaluate their goals if they've formed a meaningful relationship along the way. So you're now confronted with having to decide which has the higher priority -- pursuing your degree (I am guessing that it's an advanced, graduate degree, right?) or staying with your boyfriend and adjusting your academic goals. In making this decision, you already have some important information -- your boyfriend does not want to do "the long-distance thing." You can't blame him of course, because it takes a lot of effort to maintain a relationship over long distance. Although it can be done, it's not for everyone. Taking his feelings into consideration, I think you now have to decide where to pursue your education goals.
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Since you've asked for my opinion, I'm going to tell you that if you have a choice of schools, but not a choice of boyfriends, then you should stay with the boyfriend who is committed to you and loves you. While you may feel that you're sacrificing your happiness about the school you'd attend, you'll stil be going to school and pursuing something. But to sacrifice your boyfriend is something that essentially has no other options -- the breakup may not be reparable. This is basically my opinion. Sometimes people are able to maintain their relationship over long distances while one of them moves away for an important work assignment or training, but they each have to make a commitment to keep the relationship going. Experiencing genuine love now has no set geography. I suggest that you talk this over with your boyfriend and see how he responds to the possibility that you would stay for him. He may have additional thoughts and feelings that could help make the decision a joint one, rather than one only you have to make. Good luck!
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Welcome !
