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You should not stop dating just because your income is inconsistent. Since you have had some “six-figure” years, it sounds like you?re capable of earning a living. Only you know if you?re doing all you can to succeed and, as many people recognize, a man’s livelihood is ultimately determined by a higher power. If you believe that you need to make yourself more appealing with better packaging, then you should know that this is a big dating trap. Only you can determine if how you make a living satisfies and gratifies you, not anyone else.
When you begin dating a woman, you shouldn’t share that your income is erratic. Be sure to show yourself in a positive light – that you are ambitious and have known financial success. Let
women know that you are looking for a life partner who will support and empower you to be your best in all areas of your life, not just business. Obviously, you want to find someone who loves you because of you, not judge you based on a number sign. The women that you date should know that you are energetically pursuing your livelihood and that it, like life, has its ups and downs. Like me, I?m sure that you’ve heard stories about men who had good, secure incomes, but life intervened and they were either laid off or suffered from unforeseen dips in the economy. Or they had been promoted to a big office on the 64th floor of the World Trade Center and . . . (you know the rest of that story).
Q. I’m having trouble staying interested in new relationships with women, despite being more the “commitment type” earlier in my 20?s. I?m worried I?ll be single for the rest of my life. Please help. A. I’m not sure exactly what you mean
by “staying interested in new relationships,” but I will use your question to address some other dating myths that trap singles and prevent them from getting closer to commitment.
If you expect that a relationship should constantly be stimulating and exciting, then you have fallen into the dating trap of believing that relationships should be effortless. The reality is that for a relationship to succeed, each partner must invest a great deal of energy into it, and do what’s necessary to make the relationship gratifying and fulfilling for both partners.
I’m also not sure what you mean when you say that you were “more the ’commitment type’ earlier in my 20’s.” I would need to know how you defined commitment at that age, and how you may have altered that definition over time. Some younger singles have the expectation that they can earn love and acceptance by gratifying their partner’s needs, even though it may require a lot of personal sacrifice. This too is a trap where dependency can keep a relationship going, but may not make it very “interesting.”
I suggest that you take some time to understand what you expect relationships to be like. People are naturally influenced by what they observe in others’ relationships, starting with that of their parents. You should attempt to identify the impressions that you got as a child, from whatever sources (even television and movies) and what expectations you formed as a result. This conscious exercise can help you determine which, if any, expectations are causing you to be “trapped” in an alternate reality. Only then can you challenge your beliefs and do the work necessary so that you won?t be single for the rest of your life.
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