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Many older singles have children in their lives. They can be: 1) actively parenting young, dependent (age 15 and under) children; 2) helping to support older children; or 3) maintaining adult-like relationships with older, (possibly) married children. Grandchildren may also be in the picture.
To further describe the situation, we would need to consider the extent that singles are involved or responsible for aging parents, their responsibility for a business or career?s success, as well as their involvement with personal health concerns. Hopefully, I’ve covered all of the bases. And I haven’t even gotten to the dating part yet!
Now, to answer your specific question. I believe that the biggest and most obvious dating challenge that older singles face is having the ability to take one person’s life with all that it contains, and integrating it with another person’s life with all that it contains. I contend that mature, experienced, single adults need to view their dating situation from a very different perspective than when they were younger.
And what perspective might that be? I say that if you are single (no matter the reason) and looking for a life partner (whether for the first time or not), it is crucial that you do some major self-assessment. The most important question you need to ask yourself is: How much of my
current lifestyle can I adjust or change in order to accommodate another person into my life?
Answering this question is not meant to be easy. But as older singles, you have the benefit of accessing knowledge that you have accumulated over your many years of living. Asking yourself to figure out how to accommodate a new person into your life is meant to challenge your understanding of yourself, your needs, your habits, and your routines. Once you have this understanding, you have that much more information with which to define and prepare yourself for whom you want to date. Here are some examples of older singles that I have coached who used their extensive self-knowledge to define what they were seeking in a life partner:
Both Janet, 53 years old, and Paula, 48 years old, never married. Janet lives near her aging mother and is responsible for a lot of her needs. Therefore, she knows that she cannot date a man who will expect her to move far away from her mother. Since both women are involved in business pursuits, each have decided not to date men who are still parenting young (age 15 and younger) children. Paula says that she wants a life partner with whom she can “see and experience
the world.” She is therefore open to dating men who are much older since they are more likely not to have dependent children.
Marv, age 54, is still involved in co-parenting young, dependent children. He has determined that the best life partner candidate for him would be another single parent. He is open to integrating a new wife and stepchildren into his life, but he realizes that this requires finding a woman who is capable of doing the same. Consequently, he actively “sorts” and “screens” the women that he meets to see if they meet this criteria.
Men and women can be of any age and have situations similar to Janet, Paula or Marv’s. But it?s having a clear understanding of your ability to incorporate another person into your life, regardless of age, that is most essential.
It can seem that the older a single is, the more complicated their dating relationships can get. This really shouldn?t be the case. That?s why it’s important to know yourself, know what you’re
looking for, and to especially know how to articulate your feelings and needs to others. As I’ve said before, relationships require a great deal of negotiating, compromising and communicating.
The examples that I gave above hopefully demonstrated how a mature understanding of your life experiences and circumstances, coupled with a willingness to accommodate a new relationship, is the formula for actually finding, and recognizing, the person who will eventually become your life partner.
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