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Sharing your relationship history
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Welcome to my mind! This is where I share my thoughts, reactions and experiences as your relationship coach.

One of the issues that I recently heard about was whether or not singles should go into their relationship history with whomever they are dating in the present. I believe that this can be dangerous. If you reveal all (or some) of what went wrong in your previous relationships, you run the risk of creating an unflattering image of yourself in your current relationship. As you describe and discuss the failures and rejections that you experienced, your date is given the opportunity to begin to imagine you as a failure. And how good can that be??

This perspective was challenged the other night by a woman who said that she'd want to know what kind of obligations her date had, as a result of his previous relationships. She went on to explain that it's important to know if the guy she's dating has kids, what kind of relationship and custody and visitation arrangements he had, what his relationship was like with his ex, and what his financial and time obligations were. This would be the kind of information that she'd need in order to determine how to proceed with a life partner candidate.

So, overall, I don't disagree with the need to gather information and observe the behaviors of your dating partners. What I suggest is that if the information is related to past relationship failures, that you are especially careful about how you are portrayed. After all, you don't want to be judged on who you were with another partner, since hopefully you will have learned from your mistakes and grown into a more mature, experienced individual.




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. Posted by: Janice on Wednesday, April 21, 2004 - 08:00 PM   .
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