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Working with you definitely helped me get to the bottom line of what I want in a relationship, which is consideration, respect & communication. You helped me choose, in a conscious way, a relationship that helps me grow. Thank you!
-- Mona[Click here to read more]
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Janice. I really would like to know how to deal with 'best friends' things. I'm a boy and I have a girl friend. We first met at senior high school. She already had a boyfriend, but we got along just fine. Her boyfriend was too over-protective, and she said she's happy if she can play with her friends too, not just boyfriend. At this time, I thought I gave her company, help, everything as much as she wanted. We became quite close. Still, I didn't have the intention on taking her from her boyfriend. When she broke up, I kinda get this thought of 'become her boyfriend', but I held it up because I think she's still hurt, and nah, why would I want to be her boyfriend. After some time, I really developed a feeling for her, out of pity maybe. When I thought she would be available, she already went with another boy. She did told me that she never been single that long. I got jealous, and been cold to her. And I didn't really talk to her, and that made her mad. We later reconciled but it felt like something changed between us. What should I do? I honestly really like her. Dale Hi Dale, I think that the situation you describe is confusing because of your fears, not because this girl is giving you mixed messages. Basically, you have to decide if you want to be her friend, and be forever in the "friend zone," or if you want to be more romantically involved. Instead, what you're doing is being her friend out of default. This is what can happen when you aren't proactive and don't control of your own life.
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I think you have to decide what you want. If you want a romantic relationship with this girl, then you need to tell her how you feel and ask her for what you want. The more sure you are about wanting this, the less you will be afraid. A true friend will listen to what you say without judgment, so you'll be able to tell if your relatinship can go to this new level. But if you are interested in just being friends, then make sure that this is what you want. Tell her that you will be a loyal and caring friend regardless of her relationship status with other men. Whatever you decide (friendship or romance), it's important that you come from a position of strength and resolve, and without complaining. Making a conscious choice about your relationships is an important aspect of maturity. Accepting a certain relatinship status by default, and being upset aboutu it, will only make you continue to wonder and confuse you. So get some clarity and get moving. Good luck!
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Posted by: Janice on Saturday, July 18, 2009 - 05:00 AM
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