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Your coaching helped me to see that I had a healthy partnership with the man I was dating, enhanced by our good communication. And so we got engaged!
-- S.L.[Click here to read more]
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I really need your advice on a matter that has been bothering me. I've known my best friend Mimi for over ten years.Two years ago she met this guy, a lawyer, whom she described as charming and really sweet. He was really attracted to her when they first met, but at the time she was engaged and told him about me. When i met him, he looked like he had seen a monster (me!). I was so mad because I have always felt insecure, so his reaction only made me feel worse. My friend broke off her engagement this year. and is now dating him. She says he really loves her, and how great they are together (the past relaionship not so good). The problem is that she wants me to socialize with him. What do I do? I cant stand him! She says that in order for us to continue being friends I have to make an effort. Help! What do I do? Lori Throughout the ages, friendships have been won and lost because of the influence of boyfriends and girlfriends. Competing loyalties are often tested, with friendships being especially challenged because of the unfair advantage love and romance have over the situation. Your situation's special twist lies in the rejection you felt by this man when your best friend attempted to set you up with him. Now that they are together, you are unsure how to proceed. Truthfully, I don't think that your friend's request that you make an effort to get along with him is unreasonable. I suspect that she believes you should be over this rejection. After all, he wanted her then and he couldn't have her. But now that two years have passed and they are together, why wouldn't you try to get along? Rather than focus on how you felt wronged and rejected, I think that the most important thing now is to determine if this man treats your friend right and if she is happy.
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If, unfortunately, he's as mean and rude to her as he was to you, then as her friend, you should share your concerns with her. Your loyalty is still to her, even if her loyalty may be divided (and unequally at that). But if you've assessed the situation and feel that they can be good together, then you owe it to your friend to do as she asked -- make the effort to get along. Hopefully, she's asked the same of him. If you don't at least make the effort, I fear that you'll lose a friend because of, as you yourself admitted, your own stuff. That's what gets in the way of friendships and relationships more than changing loyalties.
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Posted by: Janice on Friday, February 15, 2008 - 05:00 AM
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