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Hi...i have been divorced for 10 years and have been dating this man for almost 5 years. He is also divorced for 12 years. I am trying to approach this relationship in an open and honest way by disclosing any thoughts or feelings regarding our relationship or how things he does or even how situations affect me. When I express my feelings it most certainly winds up in an arguement where I get told that I am abusive by talking about these things. Aside from his lack of accountability, he is a wonderful man. What am I doing wrong? Thank you, Dee Hi Dee, To start off, it certainly sounds twisted to hear that you are accused of being abusive merely for expressing your feelings or telling someone the effects of their behavior on you! So right there, I'm not so sure that this "wonderful man" that you've been dating for over five years is really all that wonderful. And he has a "lack of accountability?" I assume you mean that he blames everyone else (like you) for his problems, rather than see what he's contributing to his dissatisfaction in the relationship. While I give you props for being open and honest in this relationship (which I assume you had not been in your marriage), it's not going to make a bit of difference with this guy at all. He will continue to argue your feelings until and unless you relent. He's not someone who is likely to change and "learn" to get along. But if you've been accepting his behavior for five years already, then this is the "deal" that you've made, as you can read in Love Is A Big Deal, Part 1, and Part 2.
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