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Dear Dr. Janice, I still have feelings for my ex. The problem is that this is the fourth year. I tried going out to meet other people but it's not working. I thought that time would heal my wounds, but it hasn't. I had to drop friends that we had in common but in a way I still have some contact with him. I try to get over him by partaking in different activities but somehow I still see him. He broke my heart and he didn't care. Now, he's doing things for his girlfriend and he did nothing for me. In a way he was not nice to me. What I'm asking is how can I get over him when I see him from time to time. I'm always hoping that we would get back together but that doesn't happen. When I try to move on, he somehow steps in my life. Like he caught word of me liking a guy, so the next day out the blue he invites me to eat out with him. I accept. But he never came nor did he call me to tell me he wasn't going. My ex is having girlfriend after girlfriend but when I like a new guy, somehow he gets word, makes friends with him and my chances for the new guy are over. I gave him my heart and he was glad that he broke it. He broke my heart and I can't recover. Why is he doing this? He made me feel as if there is no one else out there good enough for me but him. Now I don't feel like relationships have a point because a guy will cheat on me if he doesn't get what he wants. So what is the point of a relationship, if I feel I will always get cheated on? Can you help me solve this problem? It appears as though you are engaging in a "power struggle" with your ex, as you both want to maintain some kind of contact, but for different reasons. Your goal is be civil and friendly since you live in the same city. His only goal of maintaining contact is to make sure that you continue to suffer. This is sadistic and cruel behavior, and your desire to keep in some type of contact only encourages him to continue mistreating you.
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As you said, "He broke my heart and he didn't care." Well, why would he be any different now? When he invites you out to eat, and you accept, "he never came nor did he call me to tell me he wasn't going." In other words, he stands you up! The message is clear -- he didn't and still doesn't care about you. If you continue to feel that "He made me feel as if there is no one else out there good enough for me but him," then I'm very concerned about your self-esteem. While I'm sure that he has some wonderful qualities, he's a mean S.O.B. where you're concerned. And if you believe that this is how you deserve to be treated (and you wouldn't find anything better), then this is what you will attract yet again.
It is important that you find ways to fortify yourself to avoid the onslaught of this man's cruel behavior. One way is to "stay out of the line of fire." Avoid all places where you know he might be. If you run into him, do not acknowledge his presence. Delete him from your email, buddy list, myspace, cell phone, etc., so that you give him the consistent message that you are not open to any communication. If breaking all contact with him doesn't make you feel any better, then I suggest that you look into finding a psychotherapist or counselor in your area to help you. If you tell me where you live, perhaps I can refer you to someone. Let me know. Good luck!
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Welcome !
