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Dr. Janice, I have strong feelings for a man that just seems to be playing games with my feelings. He knows I enjoy his company, and that I would like to be in a commited relationship with him, but all he ever says is "we're just friends." Then in the next breath he's saying if I decide to date someone else then a chance for us to be together is over. He also has a tendency to hang the phone up on me whenever I don't say what he wants to hear, and the last time we spoke, I was told that he may or may not call me in a few days after I declined to talk about another male friend with him. This man is 34 years old with a child! I think he may also have a drinking problem. I told him that if that is how he treats a friend, then maybe he shouldn't call me at all, and his answer was "well, I guess it's a wrap." Maybe I'm just one of those women that thinks she can change someone when we know that isn't possible. As I write this, I honestly don't know why I would even want him in my life at all, but I do care about him. We had a sexual relationship a few years ago, and have just reconnected again. He's come over to visit, but usually brings a friend with him, and he never asks me out on a real date. Am I being played for a fool? Tina Dear Tina, It seems like you almost answered your own question, but then you lost your clarity. What's going on in your relationship with this guy is that you really don't have a relationship. And from the way he's talking and treating you, it doesn't look like you can. But I think that, deep down, you already know that. To answer your question though, HE is not "playing you for a fool," because you are acting foolish already. You are holding out hope that he will give you more than what he is giving, which is not enough to meet your needs. Consequently, you feel "foolish" for actually accepting what he gives you -- which are crumbs. Moreover, expecting that he treat you "like a friend" isn't working either. If he could, then he would care about your feelings rather than "play games" with them.
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I suggest that you read the post in the Reality Dating Forum on the Message Board entitled Very Confused, posted by a woman who is also looking for friendship from a man. Attempting to develop or maintain a friendship is not always possible with a man who really only cares about himself. Even in a friendship, this shouldn't be acceptable to any healthy woman. I hope that my answer, as well as the link, gives you insight, and strength, to find someone who is deserving of what you have to offer a man.
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Welcome !
