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After years of trying to build relationships using the wrong tools, I turned to Dr. Janice who has given me the right skills for dating. I would recommend her as a relationship
coach wholeheartedly.
-- Rebecca[Click here to read more]
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Dear Janice, My girlfriend lost her father 6 weeks ago, and it is just starting to hit her emotionally. She has been avoiding me for the last two weeks, until today when she called me and told me what was going on (with the death of her father affecting her), and how she doesn't have it in her to love me the way I deserved, and so wants to break up. Is there anything I can do to avoid this? This may be cliche, but she is incredibly special... she is the first person I've met that I told my friends I would marry. I don't want to lose her. She is a very mature 22 year old, and I am 34...but we have a lot in common, and always get along great... I really thought we would/could go the distance. We have been seeing each other for about 41/2 months, and were planning our vacations together and so on. I truly believe what she tells me, and am wondering if I can offer her time, or what? I really don't want to lose her, that is how special she is. DSL Dear DSL, Your question struck me in a very deep place, given that I lost my own father almost 4 weeks ago. It's very difficult to lose a parent, and while the grieving and mourning process is different for everyone, much of it is predictable. One thing that I (and my mother as well) had been warned about was NOT to make any big decisions for at least a couple of months. I know for myself that the sadness pervades all aspects of my feeling and thinking. Consequently, I think it ill-advised for your girlfriend to make a big decision now about the future of your relationship. I suggest that you let her know how special she is, and that you believe your relationship has potential for a future. . . .
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Tell her that you don't expecting anything from her right now, except for her to know that she can lean on you and at any time. Let her talk about her loss and what her relationship with her father meant to her without trying to "fix" it. Just "be there." If she continues to reject you, then ask her if you can discuss the decision in a couple of months; perhaps even within a specific time frame, like the end of the summer. I can't tell you how much comfort my husband has given me through this difficult time, especially by just giving me space to feel what I'm feeling. Because that's just plain normal.
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Posted by: Janice on Wednesday, July 05, 2006 - 02:28 AM
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