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Dear Dr. Janice, Lately it seems like everything I try doesnt work. Communication between me and my boyfriend is terrible. I have been going through a lot of tough times right now and all I ask of him is to be there for me. However, we fight very frequently and he thinks the best option is to just ignore me for a day, its very childish. I try to tell him that relationships don't just last, that you have to work at them and talk about things. Since he is really my first serious relationship he responds with an " how would you know?" I love him very much but I worry if we cant get past this then things will not work. I tell him we need to talk and that when he ignores me it really hurts me. I've tried everything , please help! Gina Dear Gina, Having the ability to communicate with your partner, especially when things are "tough" is an essential part of a healthy and gratifying relationship. Having recently gone through a tough time myself (with the recent death of my father), I am reminded of how lucky I am to have a partner willing to listen, support and console me, even if the situation is a new and unfamiliar one to both of us. That said, you have to decide if his inability to listen to you and talk with you is something he's just new at and struggling to learn, or if he's basically resistant to getting into uncomfortable feelings. If it's the former, then I think you have something to work with, and there are a lot of books out on the market designed to help couples with their communication skills.
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However, if you find that the two of you are not connecting emotionally, which requires articulating your feelings and needs, listening actively, and striving to make your relationship one where you are both satisfied and gratified, then you may want to reconsider staying together. "Ignoring" you is a sign I'm most concerned about. Since this is your first relationship, then you can learn from this experience, and take the lessons with you to find someone who is ready, willing and able to do what it takes to make a mutually gratifying relationship. Good luck!
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Posted by: Janice on Sunday, June 25, 2006 - 03:55 AM
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