Doctor Love Coach

 
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I participated in Janice' s *Beyond Chemistry* series in Spring 2004 ... [ and] became engaged in September, 2004! Thanks Janice!  -- Becky

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. Is this guy bad news?
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Do singles have questions about dating and relationships? They sure do! If you have a question about a relationship quandary, just go to the Dear Janice, I've been dating a guy for about 8 months now. Our cultures and religious beliefs are very different; he's muslim from Egypt, and I'm hispanic, grew up in the US and do not practice any religion. We had a strong attraction from the beginning, and the relationship became serious quickly. After a few months of dating, I discovered things he lied about, although I never confronted him. A couple of months later he told me about them and explained why he had lied. He sets a lot of rules for me, especially regarding communicating with my exes. But he's always calling his exes. One ex in particular, he calls pretty consistently and always at around 6am. He even calls her when I'm at his place, but he's sneaky about it--never taking or making calls in front of me. I can't help but feel like he's hiding something. I've also read emails that he sent to her...where he calls her 'baby', 'sweetness' and other pet names. He says he does that to see what kind of response he gets from her. He tells me he's trying to phase her out, but he doesn't want to be mean about it. She knows he's seeing somebody (me) but still wants to see him when she's in town. I can really see myself with him in the future, but...I don't know if I can trust him. Is this guy bad news?.Ana

Ana, I strongly advocate that singles determine if the person they're dating has what I call "enduring qualities." These are the attributes and characteristics that are essential for a healthy relationship. You need to find out if he is kind, honest, caring, generous, loyal, trustworthy, and have the interpersonal skills necessary to make and sustain a committed relationship. I say that having these characteristics is mandatory, and we ourselves must have them as well.

The guy you're dating sounds far from being honest, trustworthy, and loyal. . .

I understand that you may have many things in common, and even have some chemistry, but these qualities aren't what propel a relationship forward, at least not far. In fact, just the fact that you're writing to me indicates that you have doubt. This keeps you stuck in the present, wondering if you could actually have a future together.

The hard cold truth is that I can't think of anything that would convince me that the man you're dating is capable of being in an honest, committed relationship. He's definitely bad news.


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. Posted by: Janice on Tuesday, February 21, 2006 - 03:00 PM   .
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