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Hi Janice, If I went out with a guy 4 times, but supposedly we went out just as friends (no physical contact) ....and I'm starting to really like this guy...is it ok to ask him which direction this is going? Or is it too early...and would scare him off completely? Thanks, Ilene Ilene, Right now, this guy is most likely thinking of you as a friend, since that was the context within which you went out together. He will continue to think of you as in "the friend zone," unless you say something to potentially direct his attention toward thinking of your relationship differently, i.e., in a romantic context. But your main question seems to be, is it too early to say something? I think that the sooner the better, so he knows that you're interested in him as more than a friend. Will this scare him off completely? you ask. I'm not sure what you're afraid of. Are you afraid that he'll reject you completely, friendship and all, if you suggest changing the focus of your relationship? Well, that's a possibility, and therefore a risk you might not want to take. However, if you continue to go out together as friends, but you are secretly hoping that he'll grow to like you as more than a friend, then you are engaging in what I call stealth dating. I discuss stealth dating in my article, Risk-Dating. The risk of stealth dating is if you don't tell him how you feel and what you want, and he finds out later, then you might lose his trust, and the friendship.
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Taking risks is part of all relationships. I say, you won't know if he'll be responsive to changing the focus of your relationship unless you ask, and the sooner, the better.
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Welcome !
