|
How do you behave while on the first date? It’s important that you act in a friendly, but not too flirtatious manner. Make sure that you are wearing attractive (but not too sexy) clothes and that your shade of lipstick doesn’t shout out "kiss me!" A man will respond to your lead if you start to touch him, so make sure that your gestures are meant to be friendly, not ones that would convey an interest in being grabbed and hotly pursued.
Even if a woman passes her own assessment of the cues and clues that she communicates, it’s important to remember just how powerful sex hormones can be. Since there is a natural biological basis to chemistry and attraction, it will call out to be gratified. Instead of going
for instant gratification, I’ve suggested that singles channel their experience of chemistry to learn more about their dating partner—to determine if you share a similar life path, and see if s/he has the necessary enduring qualities essential for a committed relationship. This kind of learning is best accomplished when you spend your time together asking questions, listening to answers, and paying attention to behaviors.
But what happens if you and your dating partner end up in "lip lock" and are headed towards the bedroom? Sure, you might "learn" a lot about each other, but not with the same objectivity had you kept your clothes on. So it’s important that you and your dating partner have the same answer to this question-- what are you looking for in a relationship? Are you looking for love, or are you looking for sex?
If you are a man or a woman honestly searching for a life partner relationship, then this should be an easy question to answer. There are many psychological and sociological studies that have found that when people experience instant chemistry, and then act on it by engaging in sex, there is a higher chance that the relationship will "crash & burn," instead of becoming a lasting and loving partnership.
So I say, know what you’re looking for, and proceed accordingly.
Q. I am currently seeing this guy who has some very unsavory friends. He says that he doesn't hang out with those friends anymore, but I’ve observed some of his behaviors and believe that he is lying. I’m torn between continuing to be in a relationship with him and dumping his lazy ass. I need advice. Please help!
A. I commend you for observing behaviors and realizing that the man you are seeing may not be completely truthful with you. You are now left with a choice: having this information about him, are you willing to accept these behaviors as part of the relationship, or not? I can’t
answer this question for you, since only you know what you can live with. I do, however, have some advice: if you suspect that he is lying to you now, then it is highly likely that there will be other times, and about other issues, that he will lie to you about in the future. If you decide to accept him knowing that he is this way, then you know what you’re getting into.
On the other hand, if you’re looking for love, and you’re not sure if he is trustworthy--an attribute that I consider an "enduring quality" necessary for a lasting, committed relationship --then you can spend the time that you’re together gathering more information. Then you can decide what to do about his "lazy ass."
|
Welcome !
